The jig is up……I have to come clean. I’ve been pretty much a no-show for the last several months. I’ve thought deeply about this communication, and what I might say to explain my absence. But the truth is, my answer is multifactorial and changes daily.
One thing I know for sure is that I find myself moving further and further away from social media. I fantasize about a world without it, as I watch my 13-year old staring at his phone. At the same time, if I do muster up whatever the hell it takes to write or post something thoughtful, I get excited and anxious to hop on to check the “likes” and comments. Make up your mind already, girl! Daily postings on IG and FB often feel inauthentic and more like work than fun to me, though. I am conflicted and struggle with this daily. Can we foster connection, share ourselves, and make a difference in a big way without social media in today’s world?
Most definitely I’ve not felt moved to write anything in quite a while. I have no idea what even inspired me tonight. I absolutely love writing. But I’ve been back to work full-time since September, which has this ol’ girl physically quite exhausted and without extra time or energy. So yeah, I’m absolutely using that excuse.
I know everyone is on the “busy bus”, but seriously, healthcare is a mess right now. This is a different kind of busyness, and healthcare workers are tired on a level you do not understand if you’re not standing alongside them. Recovery anytime soon is unlikely with so many leaving the field or getting forced out. I am in awe of those still hanging in there, showing up every day even when they don’t know when quitting time will come. I am sad for my friends who lost jobs they loved. I like to think that I’m doing my part, and while it’s been an honor to pitch in, I must acknowledge my privilege of having a choice. This leaves me both grateful and guilt-ridden.
I’ve come to accept that like the weather, I have seasons. I know this about me after 53 years. I like to sit in things for more than a moment. Looking back on my life, I see this very clearly. I’ve had seasons of being productive. Seasons of health. Seasons of scarcity. Seasons filled with work. Seasons of immense giving. Seasons of negativity. Seasons for spirituality. Seasons for growth and creativity. Seasons for stagnation. Seasons of indulgence, and seasons of lean. None of them lasts forever. Whatever my season, I know that it is or was necessary. I enjoy the process of looking back in this way, observing what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown. It helps me to be more grateful, and recognize the things (and people) that are no longer healthy for me or in alignment with who I want to become.
So…..I’m currently in a season of quiet…..saying less, and listening more, to both myself and others. It’s amazing how your view can change when you shut your mouth for a minute.
TGPO was born out of a season when I had so much to give and so much to say, and the time to do it. You embraced me, my writing, my podcast guests, and their stories so graciously. You solidified my inner knowing that we truly need each other to survive. You helped me make a difference, even if for just a few. I will never forget the generosity and bravery of the women who shared stories with me. You all moved me, and each other, in a very big, beautiful way. So while I am currently in a season of quiet and learning to care more for myself, I do know there will definitely be another season for TGPO. That’s the thing about seasons, there’s always a new one right around the corner.
Thank you for hanging in there with me. I think I will no longer judge myself for not showing up. Perhaps I’m moving into a season of self-love and acceptance. Sending you all warm wishes for the same. And I’ll see you next season. xoxo Karm