I guess I’ll begin by saying that as far back as I can remember, all I ever wanted was to get married and have a baby. Doesn’t seem like too much to ask, right?
It started out like I would have never imagined. I met an awesome man who was recently divorced, with a 10- month old baby. I fell in love with them both, and so it began…
A dream come true
After being married a few years, I became pregnant. I was excited but scared, not sure how I felt, but I couldn’t wait for the baby to come. I didn’t want to find out what I was having, I wanted it to be a surprise and it sure was. I thought for sure it was a boy, everyone said so, but it was a tiny little beautiful, gorgeous, perfect baby girl. The first time I held her I thought to myself “finally… something for me”. Nothing in my life had ever felt that right to me until that very moment. I named her Samantha after the TV character from the show Bewitched, which was my favorite growing up.
I couldn’t have been happier. Once I saw this baby that I had carried for the last nine months, it was love at first sight. Love like I’ve never felt or experienced in my whole entire life. I held her and never ever wanted to put her down. I remember the first time she wrapped her little hand around my finger. I felt that I would do anything and everything for this amazing little person I had been given.
And sooooo… the next 19 years flew by like you wouldn’t believe. We did everything together, but she was very independent from an early age. I had my own life and career too, but she was my world. When she was around twelve, she started to talk about one day moving away from this area to California, Alaska, Toronto, anywhere but here in this awful little town. She said that she hated it here, that it was awful and the worst! I would try my best to convince her otherwise and tell myself it was just another phase she was going through, and believe me she had gone through enough of them! But low and behold, one day she came home, not too long after she turned 19 and said “I am taking a trip to Philadelphia!!” She was so excited, but I asked, “what do you mean, all by yourself ??” She said, “yes, I want to go see things and do things, mom!!” She really was a lot like me at that age, just with way more nerve! I had raised an independent, confident young woman, just like I was supposed to. I couldn’t change her mind even if I wanted to and so desperately did. So off she went and she, of course, loved it. She went two more times over the next few months, each time staying in a different area of Philly, and each time me trying to convince her not to go. I cried, I pleaded, I tried making her feel guilty, but still, she went. And each time she would come back and say how great it was and how much she liked it.
A mother’s heartbreak
A week before Halloween (which by the way is absolutely my favorite time of the year), I came home after working all day and she asked me to come and sit, she wanted to talk to me. Immediately, I knew what she was going to tell me, the moment I had been dreading for so long. That moment no one ever prepares you for as a mom. Before she even said it, I was already in tears, my heart beating out of my chest, not wanting to hear or believe what she was about to say. “Mom, I am moving to Philly and before you try to talk me out of it it’s already done. I have put a deposit down on an apartment and have put in my two weeks’ notice at work and I am leaving the first week of November.” It didn’t seem real what she was saying, my head was spinning. Now I knew what it truly meant to have your heartbroken, shattered into pieces. I had never felt this kind of pain ever before, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. And that was it. I thought to myself and I think I even said it out loud, And Just Like That, Now It’s Over ….
To learn more about this mom’s struggle to find her way without her daughter, and to find out how Samantha is doing while adulting on her own in Philadelphia, stay tuned!! There will be a book to follow. The mother and author of this story is Denise. She still resides in the same little town her daughter so desperately wanted to leave.