What I know...
Why This Girl Puts Out
This Girl Puts Out is essentially my manifesto. It’s what I “know for sure” about life and relationships. And what I know for sure is that life is hard. Parenting is harder. Relationships are challenging. Self-doubt will wreck you. You can’t do it all and do it all well. The real thing is always better than the fake. And people need other people. This is the kind of wisdom that comes with age and experience and it’s just awesome!
But so many girls my age also struggle with adversity, insecurity and self-doubt, no matter how “smart” or old we become. And we don’t talk about it. We just sit in our heads and feel lousy about ourselves while trying to pretend it’s all good, while trying to look as young, thin and happy as possible. An imperfect life, face and body just aren’t popular these days. Our current relationship with the virtual world surely hasn’t made things any easier. Where’s my research, you ask? Well, I grew up in a house with eight women, and I’ve been on a diet since the fourth grade. My life is overflowing with imperfections. There ya’ go!
What a kick in the ass to get to your 40’s and 50’s and still feel badly or unsure about yourself. I’m so over it! I was actually over it in high school, yet here we are. I want to connect with other women who feel and “look” like me. Whose lives are messy and imperfect and whose faces show their age. Women who aren’t afraid to tell it like it really is. I want to start a revolution where women lift each other up by acknowledging how imperfect our lives actually are and by swapping stories about it. And it starts right here.
But why talk about this stuff? Why share our dirty secrets? Because people need other people. It’s not healthy for us to think we’re alone. We need to belong to survive. We need acceptance, connection, understanding, love and support from other people, or we isolate in shame and self-doubt. We die inside. Who wants to live in that head? Not me. Not anymore.
This Girl Puts Out is a judgement-free place where women authentically and honestly share their stories about their imperfect selves and lives. Good, bad and everything in between. You will recognize pieces of yourself in all of them. Because we are more alike than different. We are more imperfect than perfect. This project only works with you though. I am asking women of all ages, colors and backgrounds to be honest and vulnerable, and to share their stories about their lives. I promise that if you’re willing to put yourself out there, you will get filled up in return. Here, you will find a place where you belong, just the way you are. And you might just help another girl along the way.
Who is this girl?
This Girl is actually both of us, you and me. As I said above, this is a spot for both of us to put out and fill up. But for sake of introductions, my name is Karm. I’m a 52-year old woman, who is also a wife, a mother, a step-mom, a daughter, an aunt and a friend. I believe in God and all that is good. I’ve never been arrested. I’m trying to drink less wine. I wish I still had a 5-speed sports car. I dream to live on the water some day. I’m a germ freak and I hate a messy house. I eat everything. I have struggled with confidence and the same 15 extra pounds my whole life. I finally feel happy in my body, but it took almost 50 years to get there. I love helping people. Being a mom is my greatest accomplishment. I am a work in progress. If you want to know more, keep reading…..
- an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress.
I’ve had many jobs in my life, too many to count. But if I had to say which profession I have been committed to for a significant period of my life, it would be nursing. This profession has provided me continuous employment since I was 20 years old. The opportunities within nursing are vast. I’ve been a staff nurse on a hospital unit, I’ve stood at the operating table for thousands of hours, I’ve been a medical director, a support group leader, an advocate, a chart reviewer, a clinic owner, and a source of both comfort and difficult news. I’ve been able to find work full-time, part-time and per diem whenever I needed it. I can’t think of another profession that offers all of this, plus the chance to bring comfort to another human being in their time of need. I am truly grateful for every bit of it. I still work part-time as a Nurse Practitioner, along with a few other things I like to do.
I am one of eight children born to an Italian-American, blue-collar family. We were short on extras but rich in love. My parents struggled financially but my siblings and I really never knew it. The family was everything. Sunday dinners were a minimum of twenty people for decades. We were blessed to have both parents until my Dad’s passing five years ago, which remains one of the most significant events of my life. My mom is the strongest, most amazing woman I know. I hope to only be a shadow of the mother she is. My siblings remain a very big part of who I am to this day, with my identity still very strongly tied to being one of our eight.
I married a great guy 20-something years ago. He came with two young boys I was lucky enough to share with him and their mom. We’ve had our struggles at various points along the way, but we all love each other and are better for having traveled the road together. My marriage hasn’t been a perfect one either, but our history and difficulties have bonded us for life, allowing us to finally arrive at “the sweet spot”. That moment when you think you might finally have things figured out and still have enough time to enjoy it. I am really proud of our marriage, scars and all.
My mom has been a hustler forever. She was a stay-at-home mom, and worked hard to make a few extra dollars using whatever talents she had, to make sure my siblings and I always had what we needed. She did sewing and hemming for people, made candy and crafts and sold Avon for many years. Her entrepreneurial spirit definitely rubbed off on me. While nursing was always my main gig, I’ve had many side-hustles throughout my life. Turning things that I love to do into a job, I guess you could say, is a specialty of mine. Having a steady income as a Nurse, and waiting to have kids allowed me to pursue many of these things. So yes, I feel pretty lucky. But I’m a hustler at heart, always pushing to do more, learn more, work hard but have fun.
I have always loved doing hair and makeup. As a kid, I must have gone through a hundred of those Barbie heads, practicing and playing with hairdos. Fast forward twenty years, and I decided to attend Cosmetology school at night, after Nursing during the day, so I could cut hair and make some extra money while advancing my Nursing degree. Another great profession, making people feel better and getting paid for it. I still cut hair for family and perform facials today, because I love doing it. Providing a hands-on service touches people in a really transformative way.
Music…it’s a part of me. Mom always had music playing in the house, and boy did I love to sing. I was annoyed that Barry Manilow and I didn’t have the same range though. His songs were so beautiful and emotional, but either too low or too high for me. Grrrrrr…..
I pretty much haven’t stopped singing since then. It’s as much a part of me as speaking. I played in high school musicals, sang at weddings, and joined a Top 40 band which I played in for almost 15 years. I enjoyed the performance aspect as much as the music. Those were some of the most fun years of my life! Nowadays I catch a gig here and there, but nothing steady. My teenage dreams of fame and fortune have faded, and now I just sing in the car and shower. My son is always quick to let me know when my voice cracks, for real.
The beauty industry came back around to me about four years ago, this time through skincare. I started using high-end skincare products on the recommendation of a friend, and was so impressed, I joined the company as an independent consultant. Yup, I sell face cream. It’s been another blessing, allowing me to do Nursing part-time, so I can be home more, be the kind of mom I want to be, pay better attention to my health, and explore my other interests.
So now I’m trying to be an Internet-something I guess. Blogger? Influencer? What is that anyway? Eh…you let me know when the jury is in, ok?
Things I love, and in no particular order: the beach, the way my dog looks at me like I’m his mama, the way my son’s nose scrunches up right before he cries, my husband’s blue eyes, Italian food, Madonna, Oprah, Savannah Guthrie, Sebastian Maniscalco, J-Lo, manners, swimming in the ocean, salt on my skin and in my hair, bubble water, white cheddar popcorn, guacamole, my home, my grill pan, flowers especially orchids and magnolias, my white fluffy bedroom area rug, finally having a garage I can park in, waking up to the sound of rain, snuggling with my boy, people that own their shit, sitting at my mom’s kitchen table, champagne cocktail, R&B, Grace&Frankie, and any book by Amy Tan.
Disclaimer: Any and all content from thisgirlputsout.com, including the podcast, is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be used as medical advice. Please discuss content with your medical provider prior to making any changes to your health.